Inheriting Grandma’s Sex Shop 

On West 28th Street and 5th Avenue, there’s a plethora of clothing and plant shops. Knockoff bags, discount “gift” stores, and a variety of smoke shops line the side streets along the avenue, which also features some larger, bougier businesses. Smooth jazz billows out of A&J Lingerie and More, a sex shop only accessible by ringing a security doorbell up a small flight of stairs. I imagine it’s harder these days to tell what the shop is from the outside, if you’re not already aware of “NY’s Best Kept Secret.” The exterior is bright pink, with a faded sign that has barely legible text. To say the least, the storefront has an insane amount of aura. 

Vanessa Bure opens the door with a smile and asks to take my coat. I tell her about the first time I visited A&J, when I had asked if customers really buy the thick, 10-inch dildo staring at me in the corner of the room. 

Vanessa responds, “Oh yeah, all the time. It’s actually a bestseller. Usually people use that for anal.”

My eyes widen. I’m not trying to yuck anyone’s yum, but I am horrified by the notion of literally ripping yourself a new one with the equipment. 

Vanessa stays in the middle of a series of tables past a room of on-sale lingerie, paddles, and chokers. The tables act as an island, featuring their highest-selling products behind glass. I spot a pair of glow-in-the-dark googly eyes pasties and laugh to myself. 

“I just got them in. I knew the second I saw them I had to have them in stock.”

We both laugh together. 

Vanessa Bure has been working at A&J since 2011, when she was 21 years old. However, she got into the business in a rather unconventional way. 

“I didn’t want to work here until my grandmother, Ida, asked me to join the family business.”

Ida B. opened her fashion business in the 1960s, relying heavily on South American trade. By 2000, her son James B. (Vanessa’s uncle) joined the company, which was declining due to South America’s economic downturn. In 2001, they shifted direction and opened a discounted lingerie outlet in the old flower district. The shop’s popularity led them to expand into adult novelties, with Yelp (humorously called “Help” by Ida) playing a major role in their success.

Today, it’s usually Vanessa and her uncle who run the store while Ida stays at home. As someone who barely feels like they’ve come to terms with their sexuality, the idea of a family so comfortable working together in a sex shop was WILD to me. 

“I do it all for grandma, she’s ninety-five!” Vanessa proclaims. 

A&J Lingerie has won awards for being the best in the business for two consecutive years; NY Daily News has even written an article about Ida Bure’s store. A BuzzFeed video from 2018 features both Vanessa and her grandmother “spilling secrets” about running a sex shop. Vanessa told me that a large volume of content from the video had to be cut because her grandmother had no filter and was all too willing to spill the beans. 

“I had to tell her to slow down and speak less!” 

The doors and walls in A&J are covered with different toys, ranging from simple sets of dice to more advanced electronic fleshlights, which all come with a labeled, named image of a woman that the machines are trying to vaginally imitate. The door to the left of the fleshlights features large blown-up images of shoplifters. One of the shop thieves appeared to be an older woman in her mid-fifties with a curly blonde bob and a large pair of glasses. 

“It’s always who you least expect. She actually came in a duo,” Vanessa points to another picture of a brunette middle-aged woman. 

While Vanessa understands the taboo nature of sex that can lead to shame, she’s still running a small family business. 

“I just can’t believe how desperate people get these days. It’s quite—” 

“—ridiculous,” we say at the same time. 

Vanessa giggles, “Jinx! You owe me a half [ounce]! I prefer indica, by the way.” 

That’s a lot of weed. 

She tells me that A&J is losing money and is likely to go out of business within the year. Due to the recent Trump tariffs, she may even need to switch up her suppliers.

“People are buying on Amazon, and Amazon will accept almost any returns. And if they don’t, I’ve heard of them sending the money back anyway.” 

Vanessa and I consider the fact that shame will be the end of these humble businesses staying in stores. Recently, the shyness surrounding sex has led most buyers to purchase from the internet discreetly.

“I was talking to my friend about what if our lives were turned into biographies and what they would be about. I told him my story would be boring, but he immediately cut me off by saying, ‘But Vanessa, you’re inheriting your grandmother’s sex shop!’ And you know what? He was right.”  

After a chat about her commute from New Jersey, Vanessa told me that her customers “don’t have a demographic” and off-handedly remarks about her shop regulars, “There are way too many weirdos nowadays. It’s not my responsibility to keep track of them all.”

 A pang of disappointment hit her face. 

“I know that it’s Manhattan and that people here steal all the time, but it just feels so violating. Not like I’m being sexually violated myself, but this is my safe space, and it feels particularly bad when people take advantage of the privacy we offer them during their visit.” 

I tell Vanessa that I assumed coming into the shop earlier on a Wednesday would mean that there would be no customers. 

“Yeah, but it’s hump day! Sorry, you’ll be hearing plenty of those from me.”

Around 1:30 PM, customers start coming in and Vanessa gets to work. I watch as a couple walk into the store, shortly followed by someone who I assume is their third. The couple walks around together searching for the perfect vibrator. Meanwhile, the third watches from across the counter with me. Vanessa whips out test toys from the display case and talks about the difference between a bullet and a suction cup toy.

“Do you want the purple or the blue one?” she says after chatting with the customers for about 20 minutes. 

Another customer pulls Vanessa to the side and asks her for a product with a name I couldn’t decipher, raising his eyebrows and using air quotes. 

“I don’t know about that here, but maybe check on 20th Street,” Vanessa responds before a bunny-eared art student sings her praises and reaffirms their commitment to shopping at A&J.

Before they leave, Vanessa hands them four free ribbed condoms, which the student declines. 

“I like to make sure that the students stay safe.”

With each interaction, I watched Vanessa transform into different personas to effectively communicate and sell to her customers. Before I leave, I ask how I can save her business from Amazon’s guillotine. She shrugs while showing off vegan and biodegradable toys. 

“I sell everything in this store at the lowest price and with the best sales I can offer, without giving away stuff for free. I can’t change a customer’s discomfort or awkwardness with their sexuality.”

I point to her security camera; customers are waiting for her outside, struggling to find her doorbell. After we laugh about the unintentional “finding the doorbell” pun, I let Vanessa continue with her business and decide to buy some odd vinyl on-sale lingerie—the least I can do to help out and show my appreciation for her time. As I bring it to the counter, Vanessa smiles at me and immediately takes a little over 10 dollars off my purchase. 

“My uncle comes to work the counters on Fridays while I’m here. You should come back and hang out with me!”